Headmaster:
And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour. And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh Bilgemath by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of Gash-Bil-Betheul-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little pots. Here endeth the lesson.
[The Headmaster closes the Bible. the Chaplain rises.]
Chaplain:
Let us praise God. Oh Lord...
Congregation:
Oh Lord...
Chaplain:
Oooh you are so big...
Congregation:
Oooh you are so big...
Chaplain:
So absolutely huge.
Congregation:
So ab-solutely huge.
Chaplain:
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here I can tell you.
Congregation:
Gosh, we're all really impressed down here I can tell you.
Chaplain:
Forgive Us, O Lord, for this dreadful toadying.
Congregation:
And barefaced flattery.
Chaplain:
But you are so strong and, well, just so super.
Congregation:
Fan-tastic.
Headmaster:
Amen. Now two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant. Now some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play an important part in the life of the school but I remind you that it was presented to us by the Corporation of the town of Sudbury to commemorate Empire Day, when we try to remember the names of all those from the Sudbury area so gallantly gave their lives to keep China British. So from now on the cormorant is strictly out of bounds. Oh... and Jenkins... apparently your mother died this morning. [He turns to the Chaplain.] Chaplain.
[The congregation rises and the Chaplain leads them in singing.]
Chaplain and Congregation:
Oh Lord, please don't burn us,
Don't grill or toast your flock,
Don't put us on the barbecue,
Or simmer us in stock,
Don't braise or bake or boil us,
Or stir-fry us in a wok...
Oh please don't lightly poach us,
Or baste us with hot fat,
Don't fricassee or roast us,
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick thy servants Lord,
In a Rotissomat...
