No Really...I Was a Rock Star Once!

Here we find my old band, KEEP, playing at the Hideaway Pub in Boca Raton, FL, one week before we went out on our first regional tour in 2001. Trivia: this venue had a topless bingo night. Seriously. It had to be said.

I Just.....I Just Can't Stop It With The Anal Yogurt Pictures!

Here we find Count Smegmus wielding the fabled +5 Battle Axe of Gonadal Hemmoraging, and flanked by his +3 Staff of Bulbous Rectal Engorgement. Woe be unto he who layeth foul hands upon the Count, for they shall taste his Metal! Oh yea, and do your best to completely ignore the unfinished drywall and electrical socket to his right. Or his faux-shredded nylon jumpsuit pants (Fabulous!). Or the fact that the self-applied corpsepaint is so shoddy that you can actually see where it stops on his left arm.

Saddam Hussein Is Dead

I watched the video of his execution. I watched him die. I don't know how to feel about it. I frame-captured this image from when he dropped from the platform and his neck snapped in two. He died with his eyes open, staring sightlessly into the heavens, reciting verses from the Qur'an to the very end.

Where We Ride, Yo!

Living in South Florida, there are no mountains and hence no true "mountain biking". We do, however have a couple of parks that have little hills, and one good cyclocross loop. Heck, even urban riding isn't that bad. I got bored with Google Earth and put little pushpins in all the places that are ridden regularly by bikers down here. Special props to Atlantic Bicycle which, while not an actual place to ride, is where all the cool kids end up at the end of a session.

12 going on 23

This is a picture of me on the eve of my 13th birthday (respect the mullet!!). Gymnastics does a body good, eh? Oh, and yes: my sister most definitely dresses herself. ;-)

Photo Credit: Dad

Can You Figure Out Why I Love This Picture So Much?

Sure, I was cute at 15. Sure, my mom was adorable at...well, at whatever age she was in this picture. But it's my sister who makes this shot. I mean, just look at her. She does NOT want to be there, I can tell you that much.

Photo Credit: Dad

The Fairness Doctrine

It has been brought to my attention that in my representations of my own childhood, I have thus shown my father's photograph twice, but have yet to show my mother. In the interests of upholding the Fairness Doctrine, accept the above submission as one of two photos showing said mother acting motherly during this bloggers' infancy. Henceforth, this blogger shall be required to submit one additional photograph of said mother in order to fulfill the Fairness Doctrine, and all future submissions of photographs containing a parental unit shall be immediately followed by a second photograph showing the non-represented parental unit, in or around the same time-frame as the formerly submitted photograph.

Yeah.......

Photo Credit: Dad

Infant Parties

Honestly, I don't understand why we throw birthday parties for infants. They won't remember it. Take for example my second birthday party (shown above). I don't remember it. Seeing a picture of it doesn't jog my memory. I don't remember any birthday party I had before the age of 8 (and even then it's hazy). I don't know who any of these kids are at my second party; I mean, they look happy to be there, but I have no clue who they might be. I know the guy holding me is my father, and the guy next to me is one of my uncles. I guess infant parties are less for the kid and more for the adult family members. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but at the very least we should tacitly admit that the center of the party will not remember it.

He Was A Stud

Yes, it's true. My dad was a stud in his youth. He looks just like me...

Nitzer Ebb

Join in the chant...

Art by Francis Bacon

I don't normally post pictures that I have nothing to do with, but I felt compelled to share these with the world. Last century, there was an artist by the name of Francis Bacon, who would produce some of the most intense art I've ever seen. He had an entire series of paintings known now as the "Screaming Pope" collection. Below are a few of the pieces from this series. They still give me the chills.

I Know I Promised...

I know I promised I wouldn't post any more Anal Yogurt pictures, but this one is just too good to leave in the vault! Check out the totally evil logo!

2001

My, how time can change a man.

I Love My Bass Guitar

I love my bass guitar. I would never get rid of it. I plays and sounds like butter. It was custom built to fit my body and hands. This will be passed on the my grandchildren (if I ever have any).

Iona

Public Park off of Iona.

"You Broke My Heart"

Immediately after I took this picture, I was reminded of the death of Freido...

The Tree On The Tree In The Water

Buntzen Lake Park, April 2006.

Lunch

It's funny how we have these botanical gardens, open to the public, stocked with all manner of fowl. I keep thinking how such things wouldn't exist in 80% of the rest of the world due to rampant hunger; the birds that roam free in our gardens would be lunch elsewhere.

I Hide Behind Children

In this case, I hide behind my second cousin.

Photo Credit: Melanie

Another Picture In My Backyard

When I tell my friends up north that I have alligators, snakes, and parrots in my backyard, they don't believe me. I present Exhibit A.

Another T-Shirt Idea

Here's another one of my t-shirt ideas. I'd wear this on my chest; the question is, would people pay 25 bucks to wear this on their chests? I'm hoping the answer to this is yes!

Public Service Announcement

In the interest of helping all mountain bike riders at Oleta State Park get the best ride, I have decided to post a detailed trail map, with the recommended ride order. Click the map for a larger image, and print out the trail order to get your workout straight!

STRANGLER FIG
EL DIABLO
HALF PIPE
GATOR BANK
GUMBO LIMBO
DRAGONS GATE
DRAGONS TAIL
KITCHEN SINK
NEW TRAIL
FIU OVERLOOK
FRENCH CONNECTION
CHRISTMAS TREE
OYSTER RIDGE
MANGROVE BRIDGE
BONE YARD
TWIN PEAKS
ROBISON'S RIDGE
AREA 51
GILLIGAN'S ISLAND
GOLD STICK
VOLUNTEER
ROCKY MILE

The Opposite Of "No Logo"

The opposite of No Logo. Naomi would be freaking out.

Photo Credit: Unknown

A Most Beatiful Place

Up here, the only thing you heard was the wind.

Last One, I Swear!!

Here we see Lord Colostomus cursing the heavens, no doubt for not giving him a decent recording budget and clean underwear. Notice the drywall dust that is supposed to simulate the "Just Crawled Out Of The Grave" fashion chic. Yes, there was alcohol involved during this photo shoot. No, you can't have the negative. I think I hear your mom calling you to dinner...

Photo Credit: Shari

Speaking Of Anal Yogurt

Here we see Count Smegmus and Lord Colostomus of Anal Yogurt recording their hit single "Quadruple Amputee Necrorape Decapitation" (#1 song in Latvia!) in the horrid dungeons of the recording studio known as "The Putrid Abscess".

Ok, maybe not. Maybe it's just two over-the-hill metal heads in South Carolina recording parody-metal into a little computer. Maybe they just made up the whole Anal Yogurt thing just to amuse themselves (and to have an excuse to wear make-up and stretchy pants). Maybe you just don't get the joke. Maybe....maybe neither do they.

Photo Credit: Shari

At A Loss For Words...

Truly, this is the most ridiculous picture on the internet. The spike skull morning star, the bone handle bloody axe, the shiny plastic hair, the bad black metal makeup, the visible flesh-line on the right arm. This can only be Count Smegmus of Anal Yogurt. This can only be parody.

Photo Credit: Shari

You Know It

I'm cool. You know it. Your friends know it, too. They whisper in your ear, "Isn't he cool, the way he can jump on that bike?". You nod your head dumbly, wondering how I manage to get such wicked air.

Photo Credit: Drago

Quick Note

I've been putzing around with the code that runs this blog, and I appear to have accidently deleted the comments! I'm trying to figure out how to get them back (since I still see some of them on the admin page), so please bear with me and do not post any comments until I get this resolved.

Thanks!

The Wednesday Night Ride Crew

This is the "Wednesday Night Ride" posse that comes out to the Ft. Lauderdale urban bike rides every (you guessed it) Wednesday night. I did not take this photo, but I am in it somewhere. Yes, that is Santiago's testicle hanging out of his pants. No, no one knew about it until it was too late. No, it's the not the first time he's done it.

Photo Credit: Two Random Guys At The 7-11

The Reason

People choose to live in South Florida for a number of reasons. For those that can afford it, here is one great reason.

MINE!!

Mine!!

Meditation

I spent some time meditating on this bench. It was quite peaceful and helped bring some semblance of clarity to the mental fog.

I Shall Call Him Daffy

His name shall be Daffy....or maybe Donald. Shit, I don't know. It's a duck...or maybe a goose. Whatever. Enjoy the photo!

Eric Takes A Picture Of A Duck

Eric takes a picture of a duck. I'm taking a picture of Eric. I wonder if there was anyone taking a picture of me in some weird kind of Escheresque loop.

All Too Common

For those readers that do not live in South Florida, this sight is (sadly) all too common. We live in fucking Jurassic Park down here.

Birds in the Garden

Taken on the grounds of the old Crandon Park Zoo.

What The Troops See

Driving down the street, I took this picture while stopped at a traffic light. This is apparently an Army Reserve base of operations; it's been there for as long as I can remember. The sign is what caught my eye. "Welcome Home Warrior Citizen" indeed. Just think about the term "Warrior Citizen" for a second.

(As a quick aside, I should mention that the Warrior Citizen program, as currently instituted by the Army, is one of recognition and honor for the Reserve soldiers coming back from the zone during this highly unpopular campaign; half-propaganda and half- honorable, it is meant to give the soldiers something positive to come back to. Signed into law by President Bush in December 2004, the "Welcome Home Warrior Citizen Award Program" ensures that Reserve Soldiers receive tangible recognition for their combat and non-combat service. This picture is in no way meant to dishonor those men)

Founding Fathers, Part II

Truly, he was the greatest American, ever. If you're puzzled by that statement, read his biography. As to the "dissident" tag, this term has become an epithet, a term of derision and discord, in our modern political discourse. This was not what our Founding Fathers intended; dissent was to be the highest form of American Patriotism. Today, believing what leaders tell you to be patriotic......is what passes for patriotism, sadly.

Learn who Franklin was. A giant among men.

Cabin By The Water

My needs are so simple. All I want to do is live here. Not this particular cabin, per se, but here.

I Follow The Hawk

In case you didn't know, I follow the hawk. This was taken sometime in the winter of 2002.

Sunset Over Buenos Aires

Taken from the balcony of my cousin's apartment in the fall of 2003.

Inside The Corolla

A self-potrait, inside the Corolla, early 1996.

Logo Creation Is Always A Good Time

I love working in Photoshop whenever I have a spare moment. Here's the latest!